((This piece never got finished. I was trying to incorporate some lyrics into the story since Mal is supposed to be a musician. But since I didn't feel inspired, I just used some Get Up Kids lyrics.))
For the love of a woman
The only source of light in Malachi's bedroom came from his candles. Several sticks of incense gave his room a sweat, spicy scent. He sat on his bed, a journal cracked open before him. He tried to pull his thoughts together. Anita was getting married tomorrow. Married. To those fucking worthless gang members. He growled low in his throat, but his voice broke. He tried not to start crying for the Nth time.
"Anita… god fucking damn you! I love you! Me! I've always been here. Waiting for you. I never left!" He stabbed the pen into the page, venting his jealousy. Anita said she loved him too, apart from her gangsters. But he didn't know if he could be her 'other man' for much longer. He barely saw her. She had two other people to please. Whenever Anita was here, that worthless Latina whore followed her like an ineffectual lap dog.
He lifted his pen again and flipped to a less mutilated page. He nibbled on the end on the pen for a moment before beginning to write. The idea for the song came first and he put it in parentheses. He always wrote lyrics this way.
My apology
(I just want you to forgive me. I just want you to be happy.)
You'll be accepting my apology
For taking things too seriously.
Sometimes I'm old enough to keep routines,
Sometimes I'm child enough to scream
For everything. I broke in two.
You're barely missing me.
I'm missing you
And everything you do.
I really do.
I really do.
Sure I do.
My once photographic memory,
For recollection's sake is failing me.
I can't remember for the life of me.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong,
We move on.
Get a job where I tell
All of my accounts of someone else.
I'm quick enough to judge that they were wrong
And that we knew it all along.
Sing a long long-winded song.
I would be content to hum along.
Humm
If I state that my fingers know where to show
What everyone should have known,
I'll let it go.
Hopefully you'll forget
Any words that I put in print.
My luck, you'll change
Have strength enough to walk away.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong,
We move on.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong.
Sometimes I can think to recite
Words that I read and rewrite.
My pens paint people that I've proven wrong,
Read and rewrite it wrong.
He lifted his guitar, a melody to the words already forming. After messing around
a few times, he had a song. He sung loudly, putting together a harmony and a
bass line. By the end, he found himself in somewhat better spirits. It was a
brighter song than his usual, but then, most of the songs he wrote for Anita
were in this vein. He sung in falsetto, finding it better suited to the feel
of the song. When he felt he had it down, he flipped on his stereo and plugged
in a mic. It wasn't much, but it allowed him to capture his ideas. He played
each part of the song ands sung the lyrics before shutting it off again. He
doubted he'd ever play it for anyone, except Dred, Vincent and Dale. He showed
them everything. They were his best of his friends. They had already recorded
a few of his 'Anita' songs, all emo shit, but good anyway. They were willing
to play anything he put to paper.
He returned to contemplating his notebook. Soon enough another song came to him, but it wrenched fresh tears. The ink spotted as his tears dripped down his face. He scribbled as fast as he could, the pen slipping in his fingers.
Coming Clean
(You came back to me, Anita, finally. But I do not know what to do with you.
And then there are your other two. You taught me to be giving, unselfish. But
I think I forgot, Anita. I had heaven and she looked away. When she looked back,
she was hell. But I wanted my kiss anyway.)
I found my place in the sun,
Lied my way there.
I've looked in your eyes,
I'm coming clean.
I've made up my mind.
I've made up my mind.
To lie would be to compromise,
To lie would be to compromise, and I won't try.
I'm sorry,
I hope you'll try to forgive me.
But what you want from me,
Is killing me.
I've made up my mind.
I've made up my mind.
To lie would be to compromise,
To lie would be to compromise, and I won't try.
Anita
(You left me again. For them. I want you to be happy. I just thought…
you said that you loved me. You said I'd never be alone. You could have just
told me that I was going to be alone. I would have accepted it. You didn't have
to lead me on, try to please me. I thought… I was wrong.)
Same holds from the same hands.
Five years strong, many times over and gone.
It's everything that I have
To beat bridges much stronger and wide.
Fewer and farther between we meet again.
I'll try to do well on my own.
Distance between's never been this far.
I'll try to do well on my own.
I realize that this time was something that I always knew,
Only a fool wouldn't see.
Might as well start my drinking days now if I'm really alone.
Fewer and farther between we meet again.
I'll try to do well on my own.
Distance between's never been this far.
I'll try to do well on my own.
It's tempting.
Am I asking too much to keep you at arms length?
Am I asking too much to keep you at home?
Repeat 3x
Please don't go!
Please don't go!
Don't go!
Please don't go!
I know it's all gonna be fine,
And I know that this is what's right.
I know it's all gonna be fine,
And I know that this is what's right,
What's right, what's right, what's right.
Dale must have heard him singing along to the words as he wrote, because he
cracked the door open. "Mal? You okay?"
"Fine, Dale. I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine." Dale slipped inside his room, shutting the
door behind him. "Taking the wedding pretty hard, huh?"
"No, it's just fucking perfect. Exactly what I want. I've been hoping
in dreaming for a goddamn decade that Anita would marry someone ELSE!"
Malachi broke down into helpless tears, throwing one of his many pillows across
his room.
Dale wrapped his arms around Malachi's shoulders. "It's ok. C'mon Mal.
She still loves you, right? She still wants you."
"That's why she's marring Derric," said Malachi bitterly.
"And Liliana."
Malachi glared at Dale. "Thanks, asshole.
Copyright Me 2001